Why sell a chair, when you could sell a solid gold throne that has undergone such extensive renovations that it is now basically made of wood? And why not have a reason for learning French, like the need to establish contact with a colony of French speakers as part as your attempts to woo one of them?

When I write small ads, I like to make them exciting, and fun to read, so that people remember them. Too many small ads are boring, so why not make fun ones?

Read my fun small ads here.

Beer Bottle Lid Adder - Free

2017-08-31 - 19:52:00

Are you one of those people who likes to keep bottles of beer after you have consumed the contents of the bottle?

Are you one of those people who likes to consume soft drinks of the exotic variety and therefore likes to keep the bottles afterwards?

Excellent bottles that are pretty, look very nice on oneself especially when matched with the Crown Jewels of your imperial dynasty as you reign in your domain.

But what happens if you also like the lid of the bottle how do you get it back on the bottle?

That's where the beer bottle lid adder comes in! This helps you add the lids back to the bottle, which is amazing because it ensures that the lids remain on the bottle and do not get lost, because lids are small and therefore they get lost easily.

It is also great for doing home brew, or filling empty bottles of beer with water to give to your drunk friends at parties so that they don't have hangovers in the morning. You do this because you are a socially responsible friend who looks after your friends. Also your friends fake you in the morning and give you chocolate.

If you would like this bottle lid adder to help your collection of bottles, or help your friends avoid hangovers, then I can bring this contraption in on Monday. Please email me if you would like it.

A Pot To Put A Plant Pot In - Free

2017-08-22

As someone in the bottom 3 percent of all gardeners worldwide, I'm an exceptionally bad gardener. In fact I'm so bad at gardening that I can't even grow basil. This I think stems from my heritage from a cold country where nothing grows, except wheat, and I lack the acreage to grow wheat.

Since I'm such a bad gardener, I'm not sure I need one of those pots that you put plant pots in to stop water dripping from your plant pots onto your surfaces. I don't know what they're called (being a rubbish gardener), but you kinda put the plant pot into them.

The pot is quite plain.

The pot can also be used as a small bucket, it would be particularly effective for soaking an Action Man or a Barbie. If you have an Incredible Hulk doll of that size it would be perfect for him to use in a water fight.

If you would like it, please email me and I will bring it in.

Hollow Alien Head Crystal Skull - Free

2017-08-15

Everyone knows about crystal skulls due to the [nonexistant] "4th Indiana Jones Film".

Well this crystal skull is like those, only it's an alien one!

This alien crystal skull has an elongated, tapered neck, no eyes, nose, mouth, ears or teeth, and a nice rounded skull. A very beautiful consequence of the evolutionary process which happened on the alien's planet.

Also as it's hollow it can be used as a vase for storing flowers.

Due to my current lack of inter-stellar travel I have been unable to identify which planet the skull is modelled on an alien from, however it is available in my office if anyone would like it, please email me.

Freezer Box - To Borrow

2017-08-14

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

That's right, it's time to defrost my freezer. It resembles Nunavut at the moment when I'd rather it resembled southern Manitoba.

There's just too much ice in there and it's blocking my ability to store delicious things, like basterma, maple-bacon ice cream and homemade gin.

If you have a freezer box (or a number of suitable freezer bags) I can borrow over the weekend to put my delicious food in while I scrape the ice from it I would be pleased to hear from you. Please email me if you can help.

Bubble Wrap - Free

2017-08-14

It's holiday season, that means fun, and sun, sipping wine on a Mediterranean beach, and generally having a nice relaxing time.

Unless... your luggage ended up in Sweden while you ended up in Greece, in which case you become the tourist attraction by being the incredibly rare species known as an angry Canadian (who was of course incredibly apologetic, I'm sorry I should have mentioned that before).

In such circumstances you might want some bubble wrap, to calm yourself down from all the baggage lossage agro and general airport chaos (My apologies, most airports are impeccably run by ultra professional staff).

Bubble wrap is also great if you want to buy lots of wine. Or if you're moving house.

If you would like such bubble wrap, I'm sorry I don't have it with me today, but I can bring it in tomorrow. Please email me.

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